


The Moon and The Stars

by Fandoms_are_my_lifestyle



Series: Celestial Bodies (My Love For You) [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Cute, Fluff and Angst, Hinata x Yamaguchi friendship, Kageyama and Hinata are the best, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Serious someone stop me I used too many space metaphors for one fic, Space Metaphors, They just want Tsukishima and Yamaguchi to be happy, Tsukishima and Kageyama are bros who won't admit they're bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-11 23:00:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9038687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandoms_are_my_lifestyle/pseuds/Fandoms_are_my_lifestyle
Summary: But sometimes he'll be watching the stars twinkle at him from his bedside window and think, "The stars remind me of Tadashi's freckles."
And now the stars don't feel so far away.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Who let me, a nerd, write a fic consisting mainly of space metaphors?
> 
> As always, for Doodledevil. Find her on instagram, it's worth it. 
> 
> Based on this post: https://instagram.com/p/BN7EP17jUho/

_“Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;_

_I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.”_

_― Sarah Williams, Twilight Hours: A Legacy of Verse_

* * *

Tsukishima Kei watches the stars at night.

It's always been a thing he does; even before he was friends with Yamaguchi. In a way, they remind him of himself - cold and distant. Cold and distant and bright, like his elementary school teachers are always telling his mother.

_'Kei is an incredibly smart boy, Tsukishima-san, but he doesn't seem to have many friends.'  
_

_'Kei has an incredible amount of potential, Tsukishima-san, I just wish he would speak up more in class.'  
_

When he falls in love for the first time, he falls in love with constellations and with dinosaurs, things that interest him more than arithmetic and spelling, and he learns everything he can about them. He learns names of stars and eating habits of long-dead carnivores. He's obsessive about his need for knowledge, because it makes him feel less alone.

For his birthday the year before he meets Tadashi, his mother buys him a telescope and he spends hours picking out constellations in the dark. He doesn't have friends to share the telescope with, but that's okay, because he has the stars, and that is enough for him.

And then he meets this boy. And at first this boy doesn't seem any less pathetic than those that had been torturing him - he's small and shy and cries a lot, and yet he _doesn't give up_. He follows Tsukki around like he's the moon and Tsukki is the earth - constantly rotating around him, stuck in his orbit. Connected to him.

And at first he doesn't care, tolerates him because he knows the boy will leave eventually, but then he begins to sort of... like it.

He likes that Yamaguchi Tadashi sticks to him like glue. He likes that Yamaguchi will babble at him steadily, not caring if Kei is listening or not, just talking because of the possibility that he is listening. ( _He_ _is_.) He even likes the dumb, childish nickname Yamaguchi has bestowed upon him - _Tsukki_.

And then he begins to notice the stars on Tadashi's skin and privately he thinks it's adequate that he went from only being friends with the stars to being friends with his star.

And sometimes when Tadashi sleeps over he'll take out the telescope, now worn from use, and spend entire nights pointing out Pisces and Orion and Sirius, stars and constellations, and sometimes his fingers itch to trace the constellations he's showing his friend onto the stars that cover Tadashi's back and shoulders and cheeks, but he always holds himself back.

He knows Tadashi hates his freckles but he doesn't understand why - they're just so beautiful, and it's impossible to resent beauty for just being itself.

And when they start high school he forces away his need to feel the stars on his best friend's skin because he knows he's weird, he knows he's strange, but Tadashi isn't.

So he holds himself back.

He never thought being in love would be so painful. So lonely.

But sometimes he'll be watching the stars twinkle at him from his bedside window and think, " _The stars remind me of Tadashi's freckles."_

And now the stars don't feel so far away.

* * *

When Tadashi thinks about Tsukishima Kei, he thinks of the moon. 

The thing about Tsukki is that he _shines_. He doesn't shine blindingly, like Hinata, or violently, like Tanaka; but quietly and carefully, almost as if he’s guarding his light from the world. He holds himself back.

The moon is distant. It sits far from the earth, cold and barren, and only a few select humans have ever touched it, but the ones who have touched it are special.

Tadashi’s favorite memories are those where Tsukki has shown him what is happening inside the taller boy’s head, letting him have a glimpse of the inner workings of the elder’s mind and letting him marvel at the intricacies. Tsukki is bright, shining like the full moon on a cloudless night, smarter than anyone Tadashi has ever met. He _shines_ , and yet he withholds his light from the world, never fully acknowledging his smarts or showing just how brightly he can shine. He hides himself behind facades, like a slivered moon only partially shown from behind the shadows.

Tadashi wishes he had the courage to shine next to his moon.

He’s let Tsukki’s light draw him in, engulf him, ever since they were kids; it’s comforting to stand in the white light thrown off by the moon, never illuminating everything but keeping the world cloaked in shadows and mystery.

It’s impossible to know what the moon is thinking.

And yet, Kei is as transparent as a clear night sky when he tries to hide from Tadashi, because years of experience have taught Tadashi to read Tsukki like a well-worn book. He can read Tsukishima’s expressions - his closed-off smiles, his hint of a smirk - better than he can read his own.

Which is how Tadashi knows that Tsukki is withholding something from him. A secret. Maybe something insignificant, but Tadashi doubts it.

He sees the glimpses of hesitation in Tsukki’s words, in his hands and body language. His best friend is wound tighter than a kite-string and Tadashi can’t figure out how to get him to unwind.

The last time he can remember Tsukki acting like this, they had been young, much younger than the high schoolers they are now, and Tsukki had been holding himself back from telling Tadashi about the stars. He’d kept the need to share his passions locked inside his dimly-gleaming heart for fear of rejection from his new friend, and it had taken much coaxing on Tadashi’s part to get the elder boy to open his walls to the younger boy.

When the walls had finally broken, a flood of passion had gushed out of Tsukki’s mouth, and they’d stayed up all night teaching Tadashi the names of the constellations.

That night remains one of Tadashi’s fondest memories. It is his first memory of love; real, warm love that burns brightly and singes his insides.

Tadashi knows that Tsukki is holding himself back from spilling his passions to Tadashi just as he had when they were children;

He just wishes Tsukki would let him see whatever it was Kei was hiding.

* * *

Kei’s not hiding from Yamaguchi.

He’s _not_.

He’s also not avoiding him, or ignoring him, or any other _pathetic_ action one may think Kei may be doing in order to prevent himself from revealing to Yamaguchi all the pent-up emotions he harbors for the younger boy.

He’s not avoiding Yamaguchi even if he hasn't walked home with the freckled boy in the evenings after practice in almost a week, choosing to change as fast as physically possible and escape before the other boy can catch up to him. He's not avoiding him even if he rushes to school in the morning to avoid walking with him to school as well. Or if he keeps his head down constantly in class, ignoring his best friend even though Yamaguchi sits right next to him.

He’s _not_.

He keeps his head down and tries to pretend that he doesn’t see his best friend as Yamaguchi furiously tries to get his attention in class. He eats lunch alone, on the roof of the school - he probably isn’t allowed to even be on the roof, but no one’s ever stopped him from going. He knows no one will look for him there.

No one, it seems, except Yamaguchi.

The third day after he’s started avoiding Yamaguchi, his best friend finds him, sitting against the wall with his knees pulled up to his chest.

“How did you find me?” Kei asks. He should be surprised, but for some reason he’s really not. Nor is he surprised by Yamaguchi’s response.

“I know you.”

Kei hums and stares out at the horizon, blue sky seemingly taunting him with its brightness. For a moment, they sit in silence.

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asks, voice quiet. “Why are you avoiding me?”

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.” He says, trying to keep his composure.

“That doesn’t answer my question, Tsukki.”

“I said shut _up_ , Tadashi!”

“... Tadashi?”

Kei’s face burns scarlet. “Shut up, _Yamaguchi_.”

“No way, Tsukki.” Kei’s slip-up of calling Yamaguchi by his first name seems to have given the boy a burst of strength, and he holds Kei’s gaze firmly. “You _have_ been avoiding me. Don’t tell me I’m imagining it, I _know_ I’m not. And for once, don’t tell me to shut up, because I won’t! Even if you just don’t want to be friends anymore, just do me a favor and _tell_ _me!_ ”

Kei remains silent for a minute, and then;

“You’re more of an idiot than I thought, Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi just looks at him, brown eyes patiently waiting for his explanation. Yamaguchi has always known how to read Kei, better than anyone else he’s ever met.

“I don’t want to stop being friends, you idiot.”

Yamaguchi cracks a smile. “Careful, you’re beginning to sound like Hinata, Tsukki…”

“You and I both know that those idiots use insults as pet names. Disgusting.”

Yamaguchi giggles, and for a minute everything is easy again, and then he sobers up.

“Don't think you can avoid my question, Tsukki. I want to know why you were avoiding me.”

“Because it hurts to be around you!” Tsukki bursts out.

Yamaguchi’s silence speaks volumes. He goes to stand, wobbling slightly.

“Wait, no - Tadashi, I didn’t mean that! I didn't!”

“Tadashi?” Yamaguchi asks again. His voice is soft, pained. “Tsukki…”

“Yamaguchi… wait.”

“Then explain yourself, please.”

“I can’t.”

The empty space Yamaguchi leaves stretches for miles.

* * *

Tadashi ignores Tsukishima for the rest of the day, despite Tsukishima’s desperate attempts to get his attention. During practice, he sticks around Hinata and Kageyama, and the two lovebirds keep him occupied enough that he barely notices his friend’s absence.

Hinata even agrees to walk him home and sleep over for the night, chattering about a new video game they both own and filling the silence that would have been Tsukishima's comforting presence.

It hurts.

_It hurts to be around you,_ Tsukishima had told him _. It hurts to be around you._

Tadashi never knew his heart could feel so empty.

Hinata’s chattering is nice, they've been close since first year and Tadashi appreciates his presence, but the absence of the blonde second year hurts more than he could say.

“You really love him, don't you?” Hinata suddenly asks. They’ve stopped at a street corner, waiting for their chance to cross, and Hinata’s voice is surprisingly serious. Tadashi sighs.

“Yeah… I do.”

_It hurts to be around you._

“Dumb, aren't I?” He asks Hinata dryly. He's not looking for an answer, and Hinata must be able to tell, since he remains silent. “It was so dumb of me, falling for him. But…”

“You couldn't help it,” Hinata nods. “I get it.”

Tadashi nods.

“He's just… perfect, you know? Solid, smart, I always know what he’s thinking… and he's gorgeous, too. He's so bright, Hinata, he shines so brightly it makes me want to cry.”

They pause, finally having reached Tadashi’s house.

“Are you sure we're talking about the same person, here?” Hinata jokes, then looks appalled at his own words. “Sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I get it, you know. I really do.”

“It's alright,” Tadashi replies, smiling grimly. “I know you do. If I ever told him what I just told you, he'd probably say the same thing.”

He pushes in the door to his house, and just like that, their conversation is over.

* * *

Kei has never felt worse than he does now, walking alone on a road he’s only walked with another next to him. The last few days he may have been avoiding Yamaguchi, but at least it had been on _his_ terms - now, the vacant space next to him seems to draw his eyes, as if he’s walking next to a black hole.

_It hurts me to be around you._

He hadn't meant the words that had poured from his lips, true as they were, but there is no taking them back.

_It hurts me to be around you._

Kei has never felt worse about himself in his life. He trudges home alone, eons after Yamaguchi left the club room, light years away from Yamaguchi’s retreating back.

_Even if you just don’t want to be friends anymore, just do me a favor and tell me!_

Yamaguchi hadn't understood. It wasn't that Kei didn't want to be friends with him anymore - on the contrary, Kei wanted more than anything to remain close to his best friend.

The problem was that he wanted to be _too_ close.

“You know, I never put you down as the kind of person to make stupid decisions.”

The voice echos from behind him as Kageyama Tobio steps out of the shadows, dark blue eyes biting into Kei’s hazel ones.

“That’s more your kind of thing, isn’t it?” Kei snarks back. He and Kageyama have formed a tentative friendship since first year, and they respect each other greatly. Not that actual torture would make either of them admit it. Their relationship is one of insults and sharp tongues, but it is secretly comforting to Kei to have the other boy next to him.

Kageyama rolls his eyes.

“Want to explain to me why my boyfriend called off our date to console _your_ boyfriend?”

“Yamaguchi and I aren’t dating.”

“But you’d like to be.” Kageyama’s voice is a blunt knife, cutting Kei to the core.

“What’s it to you?”

“Don’t get defensive with me, Tsukishima.”

Kei sighs, sagging against the wall of the alley. “Yeah. I'd like to be.”

“So why aren't you?”

Kei turns to look down at the other boy. “Excuse me?”

“Why aren't you? You must know he loves you, maybe even more than you love him. What's stopping you?”

Kei hesitates.

“I… he's too good for me, Kageyama. You must understand that - he’s so good, so pure, he could have anyone. I could never be good enough to deserve him.”

Kageyama sighs, uncharacteristically invested in their conversation, and had it been any other circumstance Kei would have laughed. He’d even referred to the other boy _by_ _his name_ ; time truly changes even the best of people.

“I have no idea what I did to deserve Shouyou’s love, Tsukishima. Maybe I don't. Maybe I never will. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to work my _ass_ off trying my best to deserve him - because he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Speech seemingly done, Kageyama turns on his heel and walks away, leaving Kei alone, with only his thoughts for company.

He has a lot to think about.

* * *

_To: Yamaguchi_

_> > We need to talk._

_[Message sent]_

 

_  
To: Yamaguchi_

_> > I’m sorry._

_[Message deleted]_

* * *

“Yamaguchi!”

Tsukki’s voice rings through the halls as he runs, narrowly avoiding people on his quest to find the shorter boy. When he finally does find him, Tadashi is standing with Hinata and Kageyama in front of Hinata’s classroom.

“Yamaguchi, I-” He stops, panting as he tries desperately to gather his thoughts, to make his tongue work the way it’s supposed to. “I- Can we talk? Alone?”

Tadashi and Hinata trade looks. _Should_ _I_? Tadashi’s eyes ask imploringly, and Hinata nods at the other boy discreetly. _Just_ _listen_ _to_ _him_. Yamaguchi turns to Kei and nods, face set impassively.

“I’ll follow you.”

Tsukki leads them back up to the roof, leaning against the wall as he sags backwards. They stand in silence for a heartbeat, until -

“I’m sorry.”

Tsukki’s voice is quiet and hard to hear over the wind whistling around them, but Tadashi hears it nonetheless.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” Tsukki continues, and Tadashi freezes, listening closely. “I’m sorry that I’ve been avoiding you, and I’m sorry I told you it hurts me to be around you, and I - I’m so sorry, Tadashi, I really am.”

_Tadashi_? He wants to say, but holds his tongue. Instead, he stares out into the horizon and searches for the words to say what he is thinking.

He settles on “Will you explain yourself, at least?”, unsure of whether Tsukki will actually give him an answer, but hoping for one.

“I’m not sure you’ll like my answer,” Tsukishima responds hesitantly. His eyes are carefully fixed on the horizon, and his body is held tighter than a coiled spring.

“Please?” Tadashi asks softly. “You may have really hurt my feelings, Tsukki, but I could never hate you. You know that.”

“You should, though!” Tsukishima bursts out. “You should hate me! I’m spiteful and mean and _repulsive_ , in love with my best friend and all I can do is hurt you!”

“You… Love me?” Tadashi repeats. His face feels like it’s on fire. “You’re in love with me?”

“You don’t have to make fun of me,” Tsukki says. He’s removed his eyes from the sky and is now studiously studying the tops of his shoes, refusing to look at the younger boy. “I know it’s gross and wrong, and I know you probably hate me now, but… I can’t help it.”

“I love you too.”

“I’m sor- wait, what?”

“I said, I love you too, Kei.” Tadashi’s eyes enlarge. “I mean- um- sorry, Tsukki!”

And Tsukishima’s hazel eyes rise to meet Yamaguchi’s brown ones, and they are brimming with tears of happiness as he says, “I don’t mind. _Tadashi_.”

And then Tsukki - no, _Kei’s_ hand is cupping Tadashi’s cheek and their lips collide, cool and chapped, and Tadashi has never felt brighter.

* * *

  _On their first anniversary, Kei takes Tadashi to a Planetarium in Tokyo, and Tadashi wears the[sweater](https://66.media.tumblr.com/5ee336fd0095a4ad3bada8597ec155a1/tumblr_inline_o3hnees8Bu1rt81zh_540.png) Kei had given him for his birthday, fabric covered with the constellations Kei likes to trace onto his boyfriend’s skin. As they stare at all the stars in the solar system, Kei holds Tadashi close and thanks whatever gods are listening that they let him have his favorite star._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr:](http://fandoms-are-my-lifestyle.tumblr.com/) fandoms-are-my-lifestyle.tumblr.com


End file.
